Can't it be both? You frame it as an inconvenience of life when I know very well how you hate what it's done to you. Even in acceptance of an inevitable fate, it's okay to desire control over some part of it.

Even if it's just finding a sink in which to spill your blood, rather than letting it flow wherever it pleases.

[It's a rather jarring thing to share, but he's seen how Ahito jeered at him for losing his composure weeks ago. Maybe this was just another example - another way to keep things unpleasant at arm's length.]

I'm relieved that's the case. But maybe it's still an emotion you can use for finding your amulet.