Somehow, despite how extraordinarily painful it is to hear Shinjiro utter those words, it feels completely in line with what he expected him to say. Everything evidenced in this scene conveys how little the man truly seems to think of himself in a positive light. The self-blame, the self-hatred...all of it.
It makes him lapse into silence as that wretched man in the memory focuses upon Ken, and Jing Yuan is caught between both scenes — the one of the past, and the one of the present, where Shinjiro seems to be still caught in its depths.
But, moments pass swiftly, and so too does the memory — the ring of a gunshot is clear, startling him with its sound even if he doesn't flinch. It is the confirmation that something horrid happens and it is nothing satisfactory as he sees Shinji hit the ground, having thrown himself in the way. Having taken the bullet for the child, having placing himself as the self-sacrificial element in order to save him — but, Jing Yuan can't blame him for that. He never would wish to.
Yet, Shinjiro keeps talking, raising that hand, even turned away. It shouldn't have been like that, he thinks, for what is not the first time. Jing Yuan already voice as much, and so, he is already talking, in the brief space of moment that they have: ]
It is the wish of all those who die to hope for the same...but...I wonder if those who you might have known would have wanted more than nothing.
[ Shinjiro is always thinking of others. In even this, Jing Yuan believes that it was not for his own sake he did not wish to leave anything behind — regrets or otherwise — as awful as that is to consider.
Though, that feeling hits closer than he might have imagined, as he considers what the other just said, right now. ]
And...I can't help but wish you did not end up or feel so forced into such a corner, to be already considering such things in earnest, with the true threat of the worst coming upon you.
[ Even if Shinji's admission is one that can't be considered an easy one, it is one worth its weight; a burden that Shinjiro seems to have been carrying on his shoulders for some time, and wishing back then that it would pull him under.
He wonders if being in a place like this means that has changed, even a little.
But, a part of him doubts it would be so simple and clean as that either. ]
continued cw for suicidal disc
Somehow, despite how extraordinarily painful it is to hear Shinjiro utter those words, it feels completely in line with what he expected him to say. Everything evidenced in this scene conveys how little the man truly seems to think of himself in a positive light. The self-blame, the self-hatred...all of it.
It makes him lapse into silence as that wretched man in the memory focuses upon Ken, and Jing Yuan is caught between both scenes — the one of the past, and the one of the present, where Shinjiro seems to be still caught in its depths.
But, moments pass swiftly, and so too does the memory — the ring of a gunshot is clear, startling him with its sound even if he doesn't flinch. It is the confirmation that something horrid happens and it is nothing satisfactory as he sees Shinji hit the ground, having thrown himself in the way. Having taken the bullet for the child, having placing himself as the self-sacrificial element in order to save him — but, Jing Yuan can't blame him for that. He never would wish to.
Yet, Shinjiro keeps talking, raising that hand, even turned away. It shouldn't have been like that, he thinks, for what is not the first time. Jing Yuan already voice as much, and so, he is already talking, in the brief space of moment that they have: ]
It is the wish of all those who die to hope for the same...but...I wonder if those who you might have known would have wanted more than nothing.
[ Shinjiro is always thinking of others. In even this, Jing Yuan believes that it was not for his own sake he did not wish to leave anything behind — regrets or otherwise — as awful as that is to consider.
Though, that feeling hits closer than he might have imagined, as he considers what the other just said, right now. ]
And...I can't help but wish you did not end up or feel so forced into such a corner, to be already considering such things in earnest, with the true threat of the worst coming upon you.
[ Even if Shinji's admission is one that can't be considered an easy one, it is one worth its weight; a burden that Shinjiro seems to have been carrying on his shoulders for some time, and wishing back then that it would pull him under.
He wonders if being in a place like this means that has changed, even a little.
But, a part of him doubts it would be so simple and clean as that either. ]