[ It's not an easy answer even if it should be. obviously he loves baam and he's okay with it admitting it to tatara and even others here. but admitting it to baam himself? he still doesn't want to burden him and it's not like he'll get that chance anyway. ]

I don't know. [ ...though, that's a copout. they said they weren't doing that anymore, so he screws his eyes shut and just focuses on the sound of tatara breathing, the feel of him on his skin. ]

...no, I wouldn't. He's dead and—there's a lot of other things I'd need to tell him first.

[ maybe after that, but it's impossible to imagine and he doesn't want to put any hope in his mind that he'll get that chance. ]

But I think I would say it to Maria. I'll tell you about her one day soon, but not today. I'm— [ tired. cold. selfish things. ] sorry.

[ he really wants to, but he feels like if he talks about them both right now he'll get entirely lost in himself. ]