( Would that he could bleed so Ginger would never have to.
But this isn't what this is. As much as it is - both their proclivity, to split themselves open and spill themselves out for the other, is it what either wants? It's a hard pill to swallow. It's so fundamentally against Mika's nature to refrain - and Ginger's, too.
So he understands, too, when Ginger says he'd kill for him. It flatters the worst part of him. But it makes him feel a little pale, too, nested in the warm beat of every one of Ginger's loving words. He feels like he's tinged Ginger's well with something bitter in a way he can't articulate - maybe he's done something wrong, again. And yet, even now, Ginger wraps him up with care - elevates him more than he's ever been, before Ginger.
He releases Ginger's face, and he slips his wrist through Ginger's hold to take his hands - fingers interlocked, the both of them intertwined. They bleed, together. )
... Have you ever killed, before? ( It makes Mika happy. It does. But he's guessing... he's just guessing - that Ginger hasn't. ) ... Please don't. Not for me. Not— for anyone.
( Is this selfish to ask? It's already too late for Mika. The worst of the worst, a blood sucker and a monster, a killer and a failure - but Ginger loves him, despite all that. He wouldn't want the same for Ginger, too.
... Maybe if he... )
... Please don't let... anyone else bind you. Not with a pact, or a promise, or a vow, or— anything. Not with their blood on your hands, or their memory.
( And that is selfish to ask. But he thinks... this conveys his meaning better, to Ginger. Because: )
... I want it to be just us. I don't want anyone else... weighing on you.
( Whether it be their ghost, or obligation. And if it's only the two of them, then - maybe, maybe, maybe... Mika can protect Ginger better. He still doubts if he can do right by someone, but he - Ginger wants him to want, so he - he wants to take care of Ginger himself.
He doesn't know if he can entrust him to other people. (And perhaps that is the catch: the moment he begins to think other people can be relied upon to look after Ginger, that will be the moment Mika will come to think that maybe he really shouldn't be with Ginger at all.) )
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But this isn't what this is. As much as it is - both their proclivity, to split themselves open and spill themselves out for the other, is it what either wants? It's a hard pill to swallow. It's so fundamentally against Mika's nature to refrain - and Ginger's, too.
So he understands, too, when Ginger says he'd kill for him. It flatters the worst part of him. But it makes him feel a little pale, too, nested in the warm beat of every one of Ginger's loving words. He feels like he's tinged Ginger's well with something bitter in a way he can't articulate - maybe he's done something wrong, again. And yet, even now, Ginger wraps him up with care - elevates him more than he's ever been, before Ginger.
He releases Ginger's face, and he slips his wrist through Ginger's hold to take his hands - fingers interlocked, the both of them intertwined. They bleed, together. )
... Have you ever killed, before? ( It makes Mika happy. It does. But he's guessing... he's just guessing - that Ginger hasn't. ) ... Please don't. Not for me. Not— for anyone.
( Is this selfish to ask? It's already too late for Mika. The worst of the worst, a blood sucker and a monster, a killer and a failure - but Ginger loves him, despite all that. He wouldn't want the same for Ginger, too.
... Maybe if he... )
... Please don't let... anyone else bind you. Not with a pact, or a promise, or a vow, or— anything. Not with their blood on your hands, or their memory.
( And that is selfish to ask. But he thinks... this conveys his meaning better, to Ginger. Because: )
... I want it to be just us. I don't want anyone else... weighing on you.
( Whether it be their ghost, or obligation. And if it's only the two of them, then - maybe, maybe, maybe... Mika can protect Ginger better. He still doubts if he can do right by someone, but he - Ginger wants him to want, so he - he wants to take care of Ginger himself.
He doesn't know if he can entrust him to other people. (And perhaps that is the catch: the moment he begins to think other people can be relied upon to look after Ginger, that will be the moment Mika will come to think that maybe he really shouldn't be with Ginger at all.) )