( Rum, again. Is that the person Ginger wants, but can't have? Mika thinks he understands his dilemma better, thinking that. It's easy to say— be what you want, fuck everyone else. It's easy to give that advice. But being what you want, being what you are, isn't enough for other people; and it's worse when it's not enough for the person you want to be with.

He's... lucky, he guesses. Yuu-chan never thought twice about anything Mika was; it was always Mika worrying too hard over it. In some sense, he was the inverse of Ginger: Mika wanted Yuu to pay it mind. He wanted Yuu to reject him. He wanted Yuu to punish him, for being what he was, for doing what he's done. But he wanted Yuu to love him, too.

Messy, ugly feelings. Just like him. )

You want to be something worthy of his love? ( Putting it succinctly, with all the sharp edges intact. It's painful, saying you're not. ) ... I get it, if that's how it is.

( Did Ginger let go of his hand... If not, he minds the thrum of his pulse, idly. Almost like fidgeting, internally. )

... I used to be a human. But... I got turned into a vampire. ( The punchline to the joke; understated, because it's painful. ) And that's that. You don't come back from becoming a monster.

( "That's that," once again. There's no becoming worthy. There's no changing what you are. )

... If he did turn around and accept you as you are, do you think you'd be happy?

( Or would you have that nagging voice in your head telling yourself you aren't worthy still, not really? )