( How terrifying it would be, to be rejected by Ginger, when he accepts and wants so greedily. It scares Mika to think he might someday cross that line. Ginger is the only family he has anymore, and he's so lucky Ginger entertained the proposal at all. He doesn't want to lose this.
He doesn't think it matters that Rum never asked. He should have seen his hesitation and met him halfway. He should understand how much purpose there is in giving, even if it means giving yourself away, even if that's not what Ginger wants,
It feels almost wrong to listen to Ginger. For all he talks of desire, he gives Mika so much - thinks about him, when he doesn't need to. Finds warmth in him, when Mika's body is cold. He can't imagine why Ginger wouldn't place Rum's words above his own, either. Ginger speaks of want, but all Mika sees is how he's comprised of love. Why wouldn't Rum tell him these things, too?
Even if - even if it means that maybe he and Ginger would have never met like they did or gotten to this point, if Rum had the sense to return Ginger's affections. It's what Ginger wanted, so Mika wants it for him too.
He would have defended Yuu if he'd been given an extra moment, but it's better that he wasn't. He feels his lips at his hair and flushes bright like a fever. He doesn't know what the gesture means to Ginger exactly, and Mika's mother nor caretaker had ever given him the same, but is it presumptuous if he thinks it's a good thing, the way it was folded into Ginger's gentle words?
Whatever he was thinking before slips away from him in this warmth. )
... I can't... return to him. It's not his fault. But, I...
( His fingers curl into Ginger's hand, his pulse vibrant - his scent dizzying.
Or is that just Mika's own head? )
... Can I stay with you?
( He should set boundaries. He should set limits. If he gets too used to this, how will he let go when Ginger returns to Rum?
And yet. )
Every day— is fine. More than every day... is fine, too.
( He'd let go when he has to. Even if he has to break every finger to do it. It's the least he could give in return. )
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He doesn't think it matters that Rum never asked. He should have seen his hesitation and met him halfway. He should understand how much purpose there is in giving, even if it means giving yourself away, even if that's not what Ginger wants,
It feels almost wrong to listen to Ginger. For all he talks of desire, he gives Mika so much - thinks about him, when he doesn't need to. Finds warmth in him, when Mika's body is cold. He can't imagine why Ginger wouldn't place Rum's words above his own, either. Ginger speaks of want, but all Mika sees is how he's comprised of love. Why wouldn't Rum tell him these things, too?
Even if - even if it means that maybe he and Ginger would have never met like they did or gotten to this point, if Rum had the sense to return Ginger's affections. It's what Ginger wanted, so Mika wants it for him too.
He would have defended Yuu if he'd been given an extra moment, but it's better that he wasn't. He feels his lips at his hair and flushes bright like a fever. He doesn't know what the gesture means to Ginger exactly, and Mika's mother nor caretaker had ever given him the same, but is it presumptuous if he thinks it's a good thing, the way it was folded into Ginger's gentle words?
Whatever he was thinking before slips away from him in this warmth. )
... I can't... return to him. It's not his fault. But, I...
( His fingers curl into Ginger's hand, his pulse vibrant - his scent dizzying.
Or is that just Mika's own head? )
... Can I stay with you?
( He should set boundaries. He should set limits. If he gets too used to this, how will he let go when Ginger returns to Rum?
And yet. )
Every day— is fine. More than every day... is fine, too.
( He'd let go when he has to. Even if he has to break every finger to do it. It's the least he could give in return. )