Teenagers Scare the Living Shit Out Of Me etc. etc.

[dyingtohealyou]

[Characters passing by the bulletin board may notice a new message tacked to it!]

Drinking party at the bar at 8pm. Under 21 only. Adults will be persecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Fun and games included, party hats optional. Don’t be late!

[Sure enough, there’s a gathering of teens (and maybe some not-so-teens?) to be found in the bar! While the posting mentions this is a teen only event, adults are in fact allowed as long as they are cool. OOCLY please be aware there are going to be teens drinking alcohol and possibly smoking! Also additionally, please let the teens/players have fun; again, adults are allowed but only if they’re cool enough to play along without snitching them out!

All party game top levels are going to be made under Ahito’s account but please assume ICly that Akira instigated/explained them! Once the game toplevels are up you can also post your own toplevels to mingle freely if you like IDK IT’S A PARTY HAVE FUN]

Comments

[lustro]

[ He lowers his voice to match. ]

What if… you use the strength of your emotions to strengthen the connection? If anyone can do it, it’s you. The spirits would help.

[impacter]

[He shakes his head.]

It's far more complicated than that. It's not our pact that will break, but... something else. You could call it a "loan".

It was already thin and strained in the situation I was in. The fact that I can still feel it at all with another world completely in the way is a miracle, but... if I lose it, we'll be stranded.

[lustro]

Then… the only solution would be to go.

[ … Is his cup of alcohol still full? This is a perfect moment to drink it so he doesn’t sound as glum as he feels - for some reason. Who knows why. ]

You must want to leave first.

[impacter]

[...

What a strange statement. Was Ginger... not wanting to see him go?

...

He keeps his words gentle.]

It's always been my goal to leave, I'm afraid. No matter who I've met here, or how I cherish our bonds... this isn't where I was ever meant to stay.

[lustro]

[ No comment no comment no comment, only sips. ]


… If we had made a pact, how would that have worked if you had to leave?

1/2

[impacter]

[..]

/2

[impacter]

[this goDAMN HONESTY CHARM WHY]

I don't know, Ginger.

There's no guarantee anything would have ever happened in the first place. If it had... perhaps it could still be viable, if I had the full strength of my magic. Or perhaps it would be rendered useless, were either of us to leave.

Not to mention... if either were to end up here without the other, then that could very well count as a promise broken.

So I'd rather not discuss this further.

[lustro]

[ Ginger wishes he didn’t get so caught up in himself and his tiny anxious world because, until now, it never occurred to him that the people here would… leave.

Or at least… not… in a way that seemed real. Not in a way that was as tangible as loss.

Logically, the idea was there; they’re not from this world, so some or all of them will go home one day. But Ginger is used to a slow-changing home, so slow it feels locked in stasis. He’s known the same people his entire life. He would have known the same people his entire life.

But Solomon reminds him, horribly, that these relationships are temporary. This is why Day had been worried, and Ginger just hadn’t understood, so self-assured of his own permanence. It’s terrible. He hates this.

He doesn’t -

He doesn’t know how to say goodbye. ]

Fine.

[ … is what comes out of his mouth, short and strained. His lips press into a line to stop whatever else might come out of his short-tempered mouth, upset at himself. Irrationally upset at Solomon for reminding him that his feelings will eventually settle like dust, neglected - forgotten. ]

Do we keep playing?

[impacter]

[Ah. He can hear that tension. But there's nothing he can do to sway Ginger's heart. So he lets the discomfort settle, his voice gentle when he does finally speak up again.]

We can.

If you're upset, though, Ginger, then we don't have to continue.

[lustro]

[ No need for the kid-gloves. He's. Absolutely. Fine. ]

Dare.

[impacter]

[Oh, Ginger.

He takes a moment to adjust himself in his seat with some considerable effort.]

Say something kind and truthful about your capabilities. Only for yourself, and it must be honest. Then go tell it to Mika.

If you downplay it in any way, or compare yourself to anyone else, I will have you start over.

/2

[lustro]

[ He goes quiet for so long, it’s as though he’s forgotten Solomon entirely. He’s thinking, and every option he comes up with is tossed out by way of an immediate rejection. (I’m persistent, devoted. Is he though? Not to Rum. Doesn’t count.) ]

[lustro]

[ And the fact that none of those other options work - isn’t that just proof that his inner demon is correct? If it’s this hard to find one thing, kindness has set him up to fail. ]

As a person, I can… I’ll be there when no one else can be. Does that work.

[impacter]

[He stays patient under that deliberation, though the longer it goes on, the more his gaze tinges with sadness.]

Partially. I think you could compliment yourself a little more than that.

You strive to be devoted? Reliable? Even if a situation might seem difficult?

[lustro]

[ Strive is not the word he would use. ]

It doesn’t make a difference if a situation is difficult since I carry these thoughts all the time. I can only be myself.

I’ll still be here when nothing else is. Is that devotion?

[impacter]

If you're choosing to be wherever it is? Then yes. I would call that devotion.

If not? Then I would call that resilience.

[Even if one stayed while everything else left against their own will, to be able to have the mindset to carry on regardless was still a strength.]

[shortleash]

( Mika has not been - intentionally scouting out for Ginger's conversations, or anything. He's been trying to allow him the privilege of privacy. But he can't help that his senses are attuned to all of Ginger - that his voice carries easier across the crowd - and that he hears this that, in every regard, worries him, because what he knows of pacts are terrible things, and he would not want this for Ginger— would not want this for Ginger with Solomon, an unclear threat.

It reminds him too much of Yuu's attachment to Guren - and all the good that did him. It scares him, makes him uneasy,

and makes him jealous, that Ginger would promise himself away so easy to other people. It reminds him of that cruel instinct in his own heart that reminds him he's only so special - but not very much; not truly forever, just until that until rolls around.

Whenever Ginger's conversation with Solomon closes, he might catch Mika's gaze in his. It drops, at first - like he doesn't want to talk about it, like he kind of just wants to swallow it up. But, after a moment, he will lift it - he will meet Ginger's gaze proper and tip his chin - come here, he means. )

[lustro]

[ …?

It’s the easiest thing in the world to come back to Mika’s side, stopping short of collapsing in on him entirely like an object drawn to a black hole. He’s an object that wants to be swallowed by Mika’s existence, squeezed into his singularity. He stops too close anyway because he misses Mika, hands already brushing his forearms to his side. And if they’re in a corner that gives off the illusion (barely) of secluded privacy, his broader back blocks out Mika’s silhouette. ]

Mika?

[ Murmured in the same way as when he says ‘my sweet heart’ and ‘tell me if it hurts’ as they move together in the mornings. Soft concern pillowed on pure love. ]

[shortleash]

( He prefers that Ginger is this close - claustrophobic, the rest of the world cut off (they don't need them, anyway), Ginger's broad shadow cast over him in this corner. It reminds him Ginger hasn't yet tired of him.

His eyes find their way to Ginger's own, and he finds them big and oblivious and silly as always - so endearing, it's hard to comprehend how no one here has taken him away for themselves.

But it's because Ginger's intent is pure in his gaze and apparent on his lips, Mika doesn't want to sound accusatory. Ah; maybe he should just hold his tongue, send him on his way. Mika's the one being... excessive.

Gently, he... lays his palms along Ginger's upper arms. )

... Would you make a pact with him if it'd help?

( No specifics. Ginger knows what he means. "Help" is terribly vague; it takes on any shape Ginger needs it to. Would you make a pact with Solomon if it provided some benefit you wanted? is really what it boils down to. )

[lustro]

[ Ah, Mika knows about Solomon and his pact thing? ]

With that guy?

[ If it’s Ginger bringing up Solomon, then it’s… fine. But if it’s Mika (Solomon’s blood on Mika’s lips, jealousy still burns low) - and maybe because he is, still, upset about the things he’s been reminded of - there’s a trace of derision when he says ‘that guy.’ ]

After he held his wand to your neck?

[ With some restraint - because he’s angry, he’s upset and he’s never good at controlling his strength when he’s like this - he hugs Mika loosely, lips by his ear. ]

No. Never.

[ Then he pulls back (staying close, intimate in his personal bubble) to meet his eyes again. ]

He just - seemed like he wanted to at one point, but now he’s saying he’s always meant to leave, so - it didn’t make sense in my head. That’s why I asked.

[shortleash]

( Ginger's reaction seems to surprise him, but he goes easily into the hug, fingers curling instead into Ginger's back - clingy, annoying.

He's relieved. So relieved Ginger won't go into the arms of someone not fully trustworthy (or go into his arms at all ...) - still, he's a little surprised that what Solomon had done to Mika factors into the decision at all, that he's so angry on his behalf. This isn't a face he sees on Ginger often. )

... Okay. I didn't— I just wanted to know. He's also told me... that he wanted to, with you. I hated it.

( ... Gently, he unhooks his hands from Ginger's back to take his face, as he's wont to do.

Yuu-chan never thought much about the things Guren did to Mika, so Mika had come to think... it didn't really matter. Those things wouldn't factor in. Yuu-chan cared for him most of anyone, so if it mattered, he'd be upset about them, too. (Some part of him understands, too, that Yuu would forgive Guren for killing him. Of course he would. He's Yuu-chan. And he loves Guren that much. Probably... more than Mika.)

... Ginger is really kind. )

... You don't have to get this upset for me. Not if it's hurting you. ( Does it hurt him to feel that way? Mika worries. But: ) ... I wanted to kill him, though, both times he mentioned it. I don't want him binding you. Not someone who doesn't love all of you— not someone who'd be willing kill you so easy.

( And that last part, he speaks with bite. He said Ginger didn't have to be mad on Mika's behalf, but he sure is mad about the same thing. )

[lustro]

[ He doesn’t question why Mika wants to know. All of him belongs to Mika anyway.

(And all of Mika belongs to him.) ]

No, Mika, I have to. I want to. [ So he can hold onto his wrists, they fit perfectly in his hands, thumbs resting at the base of his palms - he can do that and spill these thoughts into their shared cup. ] I hate the idea that it’s not a big deal to - threaten you? Treat you like a danger? It is a big deal - to me. Always.

If a single spell from his lips is aimed in your direction, I’ll kill him.

[ He’s never - but he would, he thinks. Never mind that it’s against Heaven’s laws to kill a human, Ginger doesn’t live in that world anymore.

(He hadn’t realized he’d done anything to make Solomon consider killing him. Oh. His glass heart, it hurts. And from it bleeds bitterness. Solomon threatened his heart - Mika - first.)

(It would be nice if these hurts were as temporary as Solomon’s stay, but Ginger knows himself.)

(In the end, is this what Solomon leaves him with? A pact, broken before it could be promised, and a wand, intended for his throat. Is that how goodbyes work?)

… Never mind Solomon, too. That’s not who’s in front of him right now; he isn’t important. ]

Understand, love, please - I’m someone who loves all of you.

[ He uses Mika’s words to make a point, a thumb rubs at his still pulse to draw his attention back to the Ginger who is out here in the present, rather than whatever hurt there is inside.

(Temporary, meaningless - it might as well be in the past now.) ]

We share the same heart, so if you bleed… I bleed. We bleed.

[shortleash]

( Would that he could bleed so Ginger would never have to.

But this isn't what this is. As much as it is - both their proclivity, to split themselves open and spill themselves out for the other, is it what either wants? It's a hard pill to swallow. It's so fundamentally against Mika's nature to refrain - and Ginger's, too.

So he understands, too, when Ginger says he'd kill for him. It flatters the worst part of him. But it makes him feel a little pale, too, nested in the warm beat of every one of Ginger's loving words. He feels like he's tinged Ginger's well with something bitter in a way he can't articulate - maybe he's done something wrong, again. And yet, even now, Ginger wraps him up with care - elevates him more than he's ever been, before Ginger.

He releases Ginger's face, and he slips his wrist through Ginger's hold to take his hands - fingers interlocked, the both of them intertwined. They bleed, together. )

... Have you ever killed, before? ( It makes Mika happy. It does. But he's guessing... he's just guessing - that Ginger hasn't. ) ... Please don't. Not for me. Not— for anyone.

( Is this selfish to ask? It's already too late for Mika. The worst of the worst, a blood sucker and a monster, a killer and a failure - but Ginger loves him, despite all that. He wouldn't want the same for Ginger, too.

... Maybe if he... )

... Please don't let... anyone else bind you. Not with a pact, or a promise, or a vow, or— anything. Not with their blood on your hands, or their memory.

( And that is selfish to ask. But he thinks... this conveys his meaning better, to Ginger. Because: )

... I want it to be just us. I don't want anyone else... weighing on you.

( Whether it be their ghost, or obligation. And if it's only the two of them, then - maybe, maybe, maybe... Mika can protect Ginger better. He still doubts if he can do right by someone, but he - Ginger wants him to want, so he - he wants to take care of Ginger himself.

He doesn't know if he can entrust him to other people. (And perhaps that is the catch: the moment he begins to think other people can be relied upon to look after Ginger, that will be the moment Mika will come to think that maybe he really shouldn't be with Ginger at all.) )

[lustro]

[ As though their darkest desires only ricochet to each other and each other only, Ginger feels a deep sense of satisfaction.

It starts off like purr, a faint rumble of wants vibrating into place - Mika’s hands stroke the beast so lovingly right where it’s most dangerous, by its hungry mouth and devouring eyes. Thoughts of Solomon evaporate into nothing; it doesn’t matter if anyone else was caught in the crossfire. (Goodbye, goodbye.) His fingers that curl between Mika’s do so with no intent of letting go. Here’s his something, his everything.

He shakes his head. No, he’s never - but - there’s the please. ]

… Alright. Yes, Mika. [ The words go together, a want to please and a want to love. ] Just us. I want that, too.

[ If it’s Mika’s wish, he’ll even try to get rid of these hurt feelings caused by someone else. He won’t let anyone else bind him, even with this.

But - he has something to add. He presses his forehead to Mika’s because their world lasts only the span of an hour and the rest is shared with the chaos of calamity. ]

… If I ever had to - if there was no choice… love me more for it.

[ Love him enough so nothing else binds him, so that the blood on his hands might as well be water for all it’ll matter then. ]

[shortleash]

( Ah - relief. Relief, and a heart that'd skip a beat if it could. He should not like the truth charm that reassures him now that every syllable is genuine, nor how he is sometimes granted window into Ginger's feelings - it's not as if he doubts it when Ginger says these things; but it's like the thin division between them grows smaller and smaller, and they come that much closer to sharing a singular heart. (He still feels a little guilty when this magic allows him to peer in, but Ginger has reassured him, and so - it is a guilty pleasure, and one he's been permission to indulge.)

Just them. Ginger means it. And that makes him so awfully happy.

With the soft brush of Ginger's forehead against his, Ginger murmurs an ask, but to Mika it sounds like a fear. Could he love Ginger, with blood on his hands? Mika wouldn't want that for him, but it's not even a question.

He presses his lips to Ginger's own - true to his word, he isn't thinking of anyone else; it's just them, and he doesn't care if anyone hazards a guess what's going on behind Ginger. He kisses him, and he kisses him deep. )

... I would love you more than anything. ( A kiss, again - lighter. Emphasis. ) I'd drink your hands clean. I don't want... trace of anyone else on you.

( But can you kill without burden? Especially since Ginger has never - wouldn't that invite into his house a ghost, their ghost? Mika's already ghoul enough. Ginger doesn't need another. )

... But I'd be really scared for you. I'd be really worried. Killing someone is... hard on the heart. I might get upset - I might even try to stop you, if you tried to - had to - kill anyone.

( His lips part a moment before he manages what he says next, wondering - is this wrong to say? He hopes not. He just wants Ginger to know. Even if Mika argues, it's not because he doesn't love him. )

... But I'd still kiss you like this... after all that. I've never had anyone who'd kill for me before, or even - talk about me, thinks about me... the way you do. I couldn't love you any less, even if you had to kill everyone here.

( Please don't actually, but as an example, )