lunaecalamitas | you opened your eyes, spreading it wide

you opened your eyes, spreading it wide

THIRD QUARTER ALLEGRO

While our newly-arrived wizards have been settling in, learning their magic, and getting to know one another, the sage and their mentor have been busy with a different kind of work behind the scenes—bureaucratic work. It hasn't been particularly exciting, but it has paid off.

Because now, the world is ready to receive them.

Put on your finest clothes, because Granvelle Castle invites you to a welcome ball in your honor.

Didn't bring any fine clothes with you? No need to worry—specially chosen tailors from Central Capital have been commissioned to take care of you, and they will be visiting the manor to get you gussied up in the fashion of your choice for the day (by this, we mean feel free to pick whatever fancy clothes you want for the ball).

As the sun sets on the designated day, all the residents of the manor make their way to the castle. Granvelle Castle stands proud in Central Capital, its lights a beacon in the darkening city, and its doors open to outsiders for the first time in weeks. Upon arrival they're greeted by brightly lit halls, welcoming staff, and a grand ballroom, windows flung open to let in the spring breeze and pale moonlight. Everyone and everything seems determined to make this a cheerful affair, despite the underlying sense of dread and tension.

Live music fills the air, played the greatest musicians in the world. There are some larger ensembles, solo acts; some pieces are of more traditional folk dances, while some are slower, and some are upbeat and avant-garde. Regardless, the floor is open for dancing—grab a buddy and dance the night away!

Lining one wall is a long banquet table, filled with plenty of food and drink, both alcoholic and non to sate the new arrivals. The hors d'oeuvres and small plates comprise an array of delicacies from around the world, with everything from savory lobster bites to the sweetest portions of tres leches you have ever tasted. It seems someone has also put in a specific request for Japanese food—a part of the banquet table has been set aside specifically for Japanese dishes, and this includes small portions of ramen. There also seems to be a plate on the far end of the table filled with lovingly stacked pieces of charcoal... Is that meant to be food?

You aren't the only ones in attendance tonight. Representatives and dignitaries from around the world are also present—they have quite a lot to say about the unusual situation, and they are most curious about these otherworldly individuals tasked with fending off the moon under their national banners. The most dignitaries are from Central, West, and East, while there do seem to be a few representatives from the less populated North and South. Those from Central, West, and South in general seem to be the most social, while the rest are more reserved. There are also a few of the castle staff that seem (begrudgingly) willing to speak with the new wizards. Most are here to chat and mingle—lend them an ear, you may learn something new...

For those tired of socializing, the ballroom opens out onto a breezy, spacious balcony. It looks out over the main thoroughfare leading to the main castle entrance, and the nighttime lights of the Central capital twinkle in the near distance. For those that would rather take a breather, there is a small patio table and a couple of chairs. Despite the waxing moon in the sky, it is a very nice evening.

If you would like to have a chat with an NPC, then please respond to this comment. NPCs will be assigned randomly if no preference is given. While everyone has something valuable to say, they're not giving potentially sensitive info out for free—let's hope your diplomatic skills are up to snuff. We're doing our best to give everyone meaningful conversations, so please bear with us!

JOB BOARD

Rejuvenation. Thanks to your Southern friends' hard work, the South has been saved from a potentially devastating crop failure, and these fledgling towns can continue to grow as they're meant to! Give them a pat on the back and a round of applause.

But the South is not without its scars. While the root cause has been taken care of, the damage has been done. A town's wheat field has been partially destroyed—help them tear out the blackened, dead wheat, till and fertilize the soil, and replant what can be replanted. The City of Clouds, the most prosperous of the Southern settlements, have also offered extra tools, hands, and seeds to help set the town back on the path to recovery. Transport these supplies to the town. Let's hope your broom skills are up to snuff too, because it's a long ride.

Shadows in the night. The residents of the Central capital have recently been reporting eerie sightings after sundown: shadowy figures lurking in corners, the constant feeling of being watched, and, in some extreme cases, these shadowy figures attacking when traveling alone at night. Many reports seem to indicate an odd concentration of these creepy figures lurking around the Granvelle Castle moat, as though trying to find a way into the castle. Residents are understandably frightened and unnerved and cannot go about their nightly business—beat back what shadows you find and make the streets safer for the Central capital residents.

While physical attacks don't seem to do much against them, they dissipate rather easily under magic. Try not to wear yourself to the bone, though—there are a lot of them.

Escorting nobility. The Eastern Blanchett noble family have called an important meeting, inviting nobles and others of import from across the Eastern Country. However, their castle lies beyond Sherwood Forest, a very large, dense, and deep wood—while a fine natural defense for the Blanchett family, it's a bit of trouble for those looking to visit. While the Blanchett's own forest guard is absent, it is your job to safely escort these nobles to the Blanchett abode, and back out. But be careful: lurking in the shadows amongst the trees are all sorts of territorial predators like bears and wolves, not to mention the magical beasts that sneak up on unsuspecting prey. You may come across a brigand or bandit or two, since the forest is a near perfect hiding place for illegal activity. And please—try not to get lost.

Typical of any Easterner, the nobles are reluctant to make much small talk and are a bit suspicious of the new wizards, but they are otherwise pleasant and will generally comply with most requests.

WANDERER TASKS

Can you go a week without ruining food or the pots and pans? Stop being so wasteful and learn how to cook or stop trying.

Learn how to use magic to repair things. Again, if you're going to keep ruining the kitchen at least learn how to put it back together.

TATARA ACTIVITIES

I need milk. I'm trying to perfect latte foam art, but I haven't really gotten the hang of it yet... I used up all the milk (oops, sorry!), so I need more. Actually, could you grab me other kinds of milk while you're at it? I want to experiment! I'm sure other markets in the farther reaches of the world will have weirder milk... Please!

We should start a veggie garden! Or an herb garden? Doesn't matter! I found a nice sunny patch of grass in the training forest—we could dig up that spot, right? Help me get it set up! I need people to dig, and till... Oh! We need seeds to plant, too! Please and thank you~

OOC NOTES

🌙 Welcome to your second event post! Get out your snazzy outfits. It's time to party.
🌙 As you grow into your magic, your character might start realizing they can differentiate between everyone's magic. Everyone has a unique signature, and you may be able to start sensing who cast what, where. Someone put a magical seal on the kitchen door? Smells like Shinjiro's magic. Akira had some of Solomon's sugar? You can sense that, too!
🌙 As you start getting past the basics, your character might realize they have a much easier time with certain kinds of magic over others. For North, this will be offensive and attack spells; for East, this will be intricate seals and curses; for West, this will be manipulative magic like illusions and transformation; for South, this will be healing, purification, and protection. Central? A little bit of everything. Read up on your country if you need a refresher!
🌙 It's been peaceful at home in the manor thus far, hasn't it? Do you think that will last?
🌙 Your OOC plotting post is here! Remember to keep all wider plotting contained to the OOC post, since not everyone checks plurk or discord frequently.
🌙 Our next group to go on their mission is Central. Be ready, heroes...

» NAVIGATION

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

( opps

Mika realizes the shortsightedness of his mistake before Ginger even reaches him, but he definitely feels it tangibly (and literally) once Ginger's ??? gotten him off the ground??? )

Ginger— Ginger— ( Trying to get his attention!! ) I'm fine.

( Trying to pull back just enough to grasp both his cheeks in both hands, squishing his pale face a lil...

Repeating: )

I'm fine.

Edited 2024-04-26 05:43 (UTC)

[ Ginger stops. Hesitates in the not-sure-if-trust way, which… absolutely conflicts with how he trusts Mika 100%. Don’t ask him how both is possible at once; he’s been a conflicting thing his whole life.

But Mika… wouldn’t say something he didn’t mean. ]

You’re… fine… [ Which isn’t the same as not hurt, so… even if he’s already using his injured arm… ] It doesn’t hurt, Mika?

[ He’ll put the other down if he asks, but until then. Jail for Mika. ]

( This is his fault... it's fine... He can't even blame Ginger for this... put his neck in the guillotine—

Mika won't ask to be put down just yet. (He deserves jail.) Ginger first. )

It doesn't hurt. I don't have a strong sense of pain.

( His hands relax a little, but remain on either side of Ginger's face since Ginger seems to like it, in general. )

... Can I apologize this time?

[ He does like the casual intimacy of small touches. It comforts him, soothes the worry that Ginger wears like a shadow sometimes. He leans into one hand. ]

Um. No.

[ Unless… ]

You weren’t hurting yourself because of - the monster thing, were you…?

[ Tucks away that little tidbit about Mika and pain though… ]

( He might just explode one day if he can't apologize ever... please remember to pick up the pieces of him when he does, )

No— No, I wasn't.

( Ugh... He was pretty settled in what he needed to do, but Ginger's made him reconsider the sort of things he'd do to himself, that he'd take for granted... He exhales, kind of? caressing the cheek with the hand Ginger leans into. )

My limbs reattach when they come off. I just wanted to check if it still worked, since I'm... not as hungry these days. I started small, with my fingers, ( he says, as if that were normal and reassuring, ) before working my way up— that's all.

[ That is… kind of??? reassuring. In a weird Mika way.

He’s just relieved, maybe, that it wasn’t Mika trying to… exterminate the vampire. Or something heartbreaking like that. ]

That’s good…? [ Mrmmm, not exactly what he’s looking to say. Insufficient, but he doesn’t know what else to use. Good in the loosest sense. ] I’m glad that… you’ll put yourself together.

Don’t leave any part behind, okay?

( Why is Ginger so sweet... rubs his cheek with his thumb a little, fond... )

... I won't.

( It's rough not being able to say "sorry for scaring you," especially when Ginger looks at him like that, but having to shelve it lets him think of a different way to express what he means. )

... I wouldn't, anyway. ( Hurt himself, he means. It's either eternally wallow, or: ) Especially not while I have someone to protect. And you're not going anywhere...

( He begins to say that last line confidently, but then he starts to feel maybe it's too forceful, so he corrects: )

... I mean - as long as you want to be. So...

[ He’s only sweet with Specific People - and everyone else gets whatever they get. ]

I want… to be.

[ Ginger shakes his head at the idea that he would ever leave, willingly. That it would be a choice. It’ll happen, though he hopes it won’t as much as he longs with every straining part of him to see Rum again. He hopes… Mika can come with him.

But he also hopes Mika can get his Yuu-chan back.

(But. He doesn’t. Want Mika to pick someone who would let Mika sacrifice his own life.) ]

No, it’s forever.

[ Whatever he feels for Mika. ]

Can I - Oh.

[ Trots back to where Mika has his shirt discarded and gently sets him down. ]

( It's fortunate Ginger remembered, because given he's no longer liable to catch a cold, Mika would have gladly set aside his shirtlessness for quite awhile to reassure Ginger instead.

Still, that doesn't mean he's not distracted as he takes to his feet again, scooping up his shirt. Forever... Ginger says a lot of things like that - insistent commitment to the idea of Mika, without hesitation. And Mika knows Ginger wants that same commitment in turn. (I want you to think about me all the time, only me...)

And it's not that they don't make him happy. They do.

He slips the shirt on, readjusting his sword at his hip.

He's afraid - when it comes time to return him to death; when it comes time for his heart to wilt away... Will these feelings become a curse unto Ginger? Have they, already? )

... Me, too. As long as I'm still me, I'll be here for you.

( It's hard to put that quiet caveat on that, but it's fair... right? He doesn't know if he has forever to promise, and he... resents himself, because Ginger offers his so freely.

Though - that reminds him... In a moment, though. )

What did you want to ask?

( "Can I"...? )

Edited 2024-04-27 07:33 (UTC)

[ 'So I spent my life to keep him safe.' All of life's little pleasures - food, warmth, and... even lust - seem to be slipping away from Mika. ]

It'll get worse, you mean. Your... vampirism?

[ It's asked quietly, but Ginger thinks he already knows the answer. Is that why Mika seems so hesitant at times? Like there's something always stopping him from walking to toward the future, like he can't ever offer Ginger enough. ]

Can I see - where you... cut yourself?

( He didn't want to say it outright.

He's quiet, for a moment. He wants to say sorry. What else is there but sorry? What else is there but guilt?

His top isn't fully on yet, so he focuses on that first - he shrugs out one arm, the one that had just come off: his left arm. Not far from the shoulder begins the scar that bisects him, but the arm itself is clean of blemishes and marks, and his body is cool. An exquisite corpse, if you would.

He holds his arm out for Ginger. )

... Most vampires become listless. They lose sensation and taste... Feelings and desire.

( ...

Quieter: )

... I don't want to become like that. But...

( He trails off - he hadn't meant to continue that thought, but the rest of it isn't... really fair to Ginger. None of this is.

He said he doesn't believe God has interest in punishing him in particular, but he wishes He did - he deserves it. He always does. )

Tell All One’s Heart.

[ And the kitchen towel tucked in his drawer appears in his hand. He explains: ]

I asked Comet to help me make one. [ He takes Mika by the wrist and runs the warm towel up his arm. If hums faintly with healing magic. ] I thought it would - make you feel better about drinking my blood.

[ Ginger doesn’t mind either way if the bites don’t heal as fast, but in this moment, he’s glad he thought to ask. Even if Mika’s already healed and he’s only doing this for his own comfort. ]

Most? [ That doesn’t mean all. There’s hope in his voice as he says the word. ] Do… vampires… end up like that because… there’s nothing warm that ties them to the world? So they just lose more and more of their humanity, their heart?

I… uh, assume they only interact with each other.

( Oh?? The towel - surprises him, the cold and unfeeling part of him wanting to say it doesn't matter; he's already healed. The part of him that's still Mika... feels how the warmth seeps in, and accepts the sensation of Ginger's magic; accepts this thing - Ginger went out of his way to do for him, to think of him.

His expression softens, after a moment, and his voice sounds like someone who isn't - sure how to take kindness, but wants to care for it, as if like cupping a small and injured bird in his hands. )

... Thank you.

( He can't be sure if it'll make him feel better or not until they try it - can anything? But even so, it makes it feel easier to... exist, he thinks. Ginger makes things feel easy.

Would it be better or worse if he told Ginger he's come to think of him more? )

... More or less.

( He answers in response to both ideas - that they mostly only interact with each other and that they lose things that tie them to humanity - not familiar with this being a universal vampire trope. He only has his own, limited experience to go off of - with himself and others. )

... I've lost a lot of things, but... my feelings for Yuu-chan never faded. And, as long as I was around him... I felt a little more alive, I guess. I could feel things, notice things - more than before... But.

( A beat - and for once he focuses on on the warmth of the towel, instead of the cool night air. )

... He can't be my anchor. I think... he moved on from me. I'm a dead thing, after all.

( 🚨🚨🚨unreliable narrator alert🚨🚨🚨 )

You’re not. You’re not dead.

[ Ginger doesn’t want to believe anyone can move on from Mika. Ginger can’t.

And he will grab this Yuu-chan by the shoulders and make him see Mika, the sacrifices he’s made in Yuu’s name and the unbeating heart he has left to show for all of his suffering. He’ll hold that precious heart and make Yuu understand. ]

You’re alive - right here, right now. With me. And I won’t let you lose anything else. Everything you drop, I’ll pick up.

[ So Mika doesn’t have to worry about losing anything else, he means. If there’s anything Ginger’s good for, it’s being stubborn about what he feels. He will cling fiercely to what’s important to him - and that includes all parts of Mika.

Even the parts Mika wants to throw away. ]

You won’t lose your heart, so you won’t die. You won’t lose yourself because I’ll keep you warm. And even… even if that doesn’t work at first, I’ll stay. I’ll take care of you. Until we find a way.

[ Because… there just has to be one. ]

… Where else?

[ … Show him where the other cuts were made. ]

( oh

that's

Mika is a little stunned - he had expected sympathy, because Ginger is the type, but he hadn't braced himself such firm proclamation - certainty and willingness to attach himself to Mika to keep him standing while he needed it. It's not possible, he wants to say; it isn't. Even Crowley and Ferid and Krul, with all their obsession, were still largely inhumane.

And still, he hadn't expected a blaze that reminded him of Yuu's, but - a sort of sullenness to his air that remains, he thinks, distinctly Ginger. Their images echo, but fail to overlap. He wants to believe in this certain future Ginger so stubbornly believes, even if he doesn't, yet.

And maybe for the first time he sees Ginger for just Ginger, just a little bit.

...

He raises his hand for him, palm up, fingers only half-curled. )

... Fingertips. Then... every joint down, and the knuckles. Midway through the hand... the wrist... forearm... elbow.

( Then came the shoulder, where Ginger came in. Small increments that gradually grew larger.

... )

... Are you sure... I won't be too heavy for you?

( His feelings are heavy. It might be better that he lose them. Might be better that he has no one to offer them to, in the end - neither Yuu, nor Ginger.

But Ginger still... )

I don’t know… how to not want more, Mika.

[ Did Ginger know how to live without the weight of his own feelings? Has he ever felt truly free and light? Insidious as they are, they chain him to what he cares about. Without them, he wouldn’t know to gasp when he couldn’t breathe anymore.

Or.

… The very delicious, very addicting pain that comes with love.

So he can handle Mika’s weight. Thinks he may need to. And he doesn’t even know if that’s enough for him.

The towel warms every individual fingertip, then joint. Knuckles next, Ginger’s thumb lingering on the skin. The palm, the back of the hand down to the wrist. And down and down, in the order of what was listed. ]

I’ve carried you before, haven’t I?

[ Just tonight, even. ]

… I like it, caring for you. [ And carrying Mika, or his feelings means… it would be easier for Ginger to keep him - close. To catch his pieces when they fall. ]

And your hands - I like them, too.

[ They’re always so gentle, so careful when they soothe him. He needs them whole. He holds it to his face, the hand he’s just finished tending. And knows it’ll care for him. ]

Anywhere else?

( Mika realizes he shouldn't have asked. He shouldn't have entertained the idea of leaning on Ginger, shouldn't have let him take the towel to him, shouldn't have let him finished this answer. He should have realized that - in a way he can't articulate, for reasons he isn't sure why, Ginger can move him. He should have known that when he asked to call him family. He should have known when he recognized how warm these things Ginger says make him.

He shouldn't have, because if he had been smart enough to course correct earlier than this, he wouldn't have let this most evil, sinful thought cross his mind, as Ginger's words leave his lips:

Could you only carry me?

Of course he can't, Mika.

He had wanted to ask Yuu this, too - had tried to convince him to be with only him, until Mika realized what Yuu really needed. Ginger is kind for believing him alive, but Mika lost his chance when he bled out in the halls of Sanguiem. The living have other people. Yuu has Shinoa, and his family; Ginger has Rum, and his friends.

So he doesn't give it voice.

Instead his gaze drops downward, and he struggles to find better words to give him. Ginger gives him these nice things. He wants to do the same in return.

His hand, arm lingers where it is. )

... If you...

( No - let's start again. That isn't right. It's more...

His gaze returns, his expression not unhappy. )

... If I— really do have eternity left... you can have it.

( ... Soft, in a way that's becoming habit, he caressed the cheek Ginger's brought his hand to.

Yeah. This is fine. )

... And... If you ever need to - put me down, to pick someone else up... that's okay, too. I'll help you protect them. I won't... take it back the things I've given you.

( That's fair, he thinks. It doesn't obligate Ginger more than what he wants to give. But he can take if he wants. That's fine. )

... Where else do you want to care for me?

( Ginger had asked him where else - Mika offers him dealer's choice. He's okay with it. )

[ At first - at first, it sounds good. It sounds wonderful. Mika’s willing to give him eternity when Ginger has forever. So Ginger’s eyes go bright and he says, immediately: ]

I do - I want that.

[ Then - the rest. What blooms in him wilts at the way Mika lights himself on fire to keep an immortal warm. Not unhappy, no. It’s worse. It hurts tender and brittle - the way he prioritizes Ginger. How could Ginger ever be worth that? ]

Oh.

[ He had thought - when Mika made them family that… ]

I think… [ The words come slow around the lump in his throat. ] I would rather… ask you… [ Beg, cry, plead. ] To - to cut me away and leave me with the Mika you think I’m ever willing to leave behind.

And then I hope you keep my heart with you until you understand it.

[ Ginger doesn’t trust anyone else to try and understand his heart anyway. Not Rum, whose thoughts Ginger can never read. Whose heart he may never have. ]

And after that, too. Because I worry about yours.

[ He leaves Mika’s hand where it is and reaches out to touch the other lightly, by his cheek where he wonders if Mika has ever cried for himself.

Ginger wants to cry for him now. He saves it - for later, when he’s alone. ]

I know I ask for too much - the way I… cling. [ He’s sorry he’s so needy about Mika that eternity and protection and probably more would be offered for - what? Practically nothing. Like Mika’s not worth anything.

I wish… you would let me pick you. ]

( At some point, Mika will understand that he fucks up when he tries to choose for Ginger. (And that he had done this to Yuu, too, all the way through the end.) Right now, he isn't so clear on it - and he falters when he can tell he's messed up, when he'd thought he'd made his life easier.

He hadn't meant to hurt him. That hurts Mika, too. )

It's not too much.

( Decisive - honest, and easy to say. The struggle in his demeanor is to try and understand where he'd lost his way navigating.

He should know ... Ginger doesn't like his sacrifice. But it's so hard to recognize what is and isn't sacrifice when that's how he expresses love. It's - his way, to pay himself as the toll, so his family might pass.

Even if they don't want him to.

He hesitates. Thinks more carefully. Trying to avoid what's natural. Trying to think about Ginger, and those painful feelings in his slight touch. )

... I... like it. I like that - you like me so much. Is that bad?

( If Ginger thinks his clinging is bad, and Mika likes it, is Mika making it worse? Is he hurting him? )

But, if... I start to think about the things I want - I might not be able to protect you... the way I want to.

I want to understand your heart. It's not fair if I end up focused on mine.

( He looks up at him, frustrated with himself - helpless. Feeling like he betrayed Ginger's trust again, and regretting it.

Family is the only word he has for the kindest things he's had in his life - and for the worst of it, too. )

[ And then there’s selfish Ginger having not realized that he decided for the both of them when he’d brought up apologies. ]

You know, I… was so worried about talking to Rum about my feelings because I - thought I would die if he didn’t return them. And what would be left, I would have ruined our friendship for a sliver of a chance? Ridiculous, terrifying.

[ Stupid. He went and hurt Rum instead, for all that he was worried about his own heart. ]

But you and I talk. And it hurts but I… think it just makes me even more determined to - [ See him happy. To have him. ] - To like you more. So much more.

It’ll just grow and grow, I think. And I want you to know. Look at me and wonder, ”how much does he like me today?” I guarantee it’ll always be more than yesterday.

[ He tries to rub the worry lines at the corner of Mika’s eye, smooth out the frustration. ]

And isn’t it family privilege to get to hear what you want?

( Ah...

He hesitates. He hesitates because Ginger always - he's so warm, in Mika's eyes. Clear, and bright. Even when he's sullen; even when he laments over Rum. Is it fair that Ginger makes him this happy? Is it okay to care for him so much? Is it okay to let Ginger care for him, too?

His hand falls from Ginger, though it was hardly a touch at this point anyway. But he does bring it back up - he presses his hand to the back of Ginger's hand at his face, and he closes his eyes.

He doesn't know what he wants. It's scary to even think it. Like something bad will happen to Ginger if he says it. Something he can't take back.

But Ginger wants to hear it. Ginger wants to like him, wants to keep him in his thoughts for all eternity, so he'll try. He'll really try.

Because he likes it when they talk, too. He'd said it before, and he thinks as much now: he likes talking to Ginger. Even when it hurts. On that, they're of the same mind. )

... I want...

( He shouldn't have leaned on Ginger. He's going to like him too much, he thinks. Especially if Ginger keeps liking him more. )

... I want... Rum to see you the way I do. At least. ( Honest. It's honest. He wants Ginger's happiness, and his happiness comprises of Rum. ) I hate that you're so - that it hurts you when you're thinking of him. I don't get why he doesn't see this - that you're... How nice it feels when something makes me think of you. How I wonder what you're when I haven't seen you. How... I like seeing you garden and other things, when I see you in the manor.

( Watching him from afar sometimes? Maybe...... It feels normal, to Mika. They're family; shouldn't he watch over him? )

I don't get how he can know you but not like all the things about you. Not tell you you're not too much. That you're more than enough. I want him to tell you all the things you want to hear, even the stuff you hold back.

( He wants Rum to see that, and say that, and convince Ginger he's good, even if he's a demon, even if he has all this desire. He wants...

His eyes slowly open, and though he doesn't look up at Ginger, he keeps his hand pressed against his. )

... And if Rum won't see that... I— wish I could... instead.

( Within reason. He's not Rum. He could never be. He doesn't mean to imply that. He could never ask for such a big piece of Ginger's life. Sorry. Don't get mad.

He just - wants to care for him. Is that allowed? Is that okay? Would Ginger still find something positive about all this, even if Mika's crossed a line? )

[ That’s a - lot of thoughts about Rum. As Ginger listens, his eyes widen and his cheeks heat up all the way to his ears. He’s a little grateful Mika has his eyes closed.

( But he also wishes he knew the exact color of Mika’s eyes in this moment.)

It could be the way Ginger’s demonic nature thinks in simple phrases (I want, I need), but he hears one word every time Mika opens his mouth. … Is he… wrong? If he’s right, that’s - exciting.

Terrifying.

He said he would feel that way, but he hadn’t expected Mika to… outpace him.

(Did he make Mika feel this way? He worries… Will Mika wake up one day and realize those were all just Ginger’s messy feelings, projected somehow into Mika’s thoughts, influencing him in an awful way.)

(…Careful, don’t rush things. He always has to be careful.)

He doesn’t know what to say, at first. He wants a lot of things. And his heart starts a pattern that sounds tentative, stuttering into a hopeful… song. It sings. ]

I… Whatever Rum feels or doesn’t feel, I don’t know - I won’t know because I never asked. [ Ginger’s fault. ] It’s better if - if he doesn’t feel - um… doesn’t see me the same way you do because there’s only one Mika. If he did, it wouldn’t make his feelings worth more than yours either.

[ He’d be happy, but all the same fears would be there. And he’d ask himself how long this would last. Rum never promised forever; Rum can live untouched by heartache. It’ll never follow him like a shadow, right at his heels constantly.

He exhales some of the heat building up within him. His ears must be steaming. ]

You already seem to see - everything.

[ ’I— wish I could... instead.’ ]

I do wonder though - what you’re doing when I haven’t seen you. What the Mika magic is - every space is better with you in it. The room gets warmer, brighter. Is it too much if I want to see you everyday - so at first I tried for every other day… But everyday builds more than the last.

[ It’s just his own feelings again, but maybe it would help Mika to hear them. ]

And, Mika, you’re much kinder than I’ll ever be because I hate the thought of you returning to your Yuu-chan. I hate that he won’t pick you.

[ Ginger would, he thinks. He has. That’s a brief moment where he hesitates - is this okay? - before he leans in and presses his lips to the top of Mika’s head. Careful, still. ]

( How terrifying it would be, to be rejected by Ginger, when he accepts and wants so greedily. It scares Mika to think he might someday cross that line. Ginger is the only family he has anymore, and he's so lucky Ginger entertained the proposal at all. He doesn't want to lose this.

He doesn't think it matters that Rum never asked. He should have seen his hesitation and met him halfway. He should understand how much purpose there is in giving, even if it means giving yourself away, even if that's not what Ginger wants,

It feels almost wrong to listen to Ginger. For all he talks of desire, he gives Mika so much - thinks about him, when he doesn't need to. Finds warmth in him, when Mika's body is cold. He can't imagine why Ginger wouldn't place Rum's words above his own, either. Ginger speaks of want, but all Mika sees is how he's comprised of love. Why wouldn't Rum tell him these things, too?

Even if - even if it means that maybe he and Ginger would have never met like they did or gotten to this point, if Rum had the sense to return Ginger's affections. It's what Ginger wanted, so Mika wants it for him too.

He would have defended Yuu if he'd been given an extra moment, but it's better that he wasn't. He feels his lips at his hair and flushes bright like a fever. He doesn't know what the gesture means to Ginger exactly, and Mika's mother nor caretaker had ever given him the same, but is it presumptuous if he thinks it's a good thing, the way it was folded into Ginger's gentle words?

Whatever he was thinking before slips away from him in this warmth. )

... I can't... return to him. It's not his fault. But, I...

( His fingers curl into Ginger's hand, his pulse vibrant - his scent dizzying.

Or is that just Mika's own head? )

... Can I stay with you?

( He should set boundaries. He should set limits. If he gets too used to this, how will he let go when Ginger returns to Rum?

And yet. )

Every day— is fine. More than every day... is fine, too.

( He'd let go when he has to. Even if he has to break every finger to do it. It's the least he could give in return. )

Edited 2024-04-28 18:28 (UTC)

[ His mind has already laid down a list of what he wants next, what Mika would let him do - he thinks, he knows. Open his mouth and make him promise to stay.

You know how it works now.

He does - he does know that, too. It would keep Mika from Yuu. Save him from more heartache over a boy who doesn’t deserve him. Ginger doesn’t care that it’s not his fault Mika can’t return, but he thinks about the scar he’d glimpsed - the one that cut across Mika’s body. As though he’d once been left in pieces and forced to put himself together again. Like the fingers, like the arm.

Did he do it for Yuu? Was he left alone? No, Mika should stay with Ginger who can promise him eternity and back.

And Ginger wants everything, but that includes what Mika wants. And he must be - overwhelmed right now. Ginger believes he can handle the weight of both their feelings, but Mika seems to shudder and give under his. Maybe they’re going too fast; maybe he hasn’t been careful enough.

He can slow down for Mika. Or give him whatever he needs.

He murmurs Mika’s name into soft blond strands, the whorl of his hair patterned in a beautiful spiral under his gaze (So cute, he thinks. Did Yuu ever know? ) and - stops at that small gesture, pulling back to speak. ]

… Yeah, of course. Do you mean - share your room? Or mine? [ Which, might be a very awkward and bad idea at times but Ginger is hungry for more of Mika. He’s the animal here. ] If you mean spending more time together, I’d like that, too. Whatever you want.

It would make me feel better, honestly.

( He'd held Ginger's hands, and he'd held Ginger in turn, and there had been no space between them after Mika had incited ... a mood, in Ginger, and get - this feels so much more intimate, even with all this extra space between him. His name murmured in his hair so quietly, so adoringly, that Mika thinks he might melt with the rest of all the things he'd meant to say. He doesn't even remember what he came out here for. There's just Ginger.

He is overwhelmed.

Ginger could get a promise off him easy. Hesitant at first, but deciding brashly that the only thing that would make him break his vow would be death, he would look him with the eyes and swear it and he would mean it, without a second thought as to what it would mean for him.

If this were Yuu, he would tell him - he'd dig his heels in and try to moderate. But Ginger takes it sort of personal. And he doesn't want that. So he won't ask him to slow down - not yet. Not as long as Ginger's happy. Not until he can figure out how to navigate this with the right words, without making Ginger feel guilty. )

Oh— I meant... spending more time together, but...

( He never even considered the possibility of u-hauling it?? Partly because his room is more of a practical space to him. But now he's thinking about it? )

I mean... do you want to share a room? Uh— I'll actually think about what I want, if you tell me, so it's fine if you're honest.

( Will he... Well, he'll try. )

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